When I was young I had a plan; finish high school, go to college, get a graduate degree, and have a great career. Somewhere in there I would find the time to find love, get married, and have a couple of kids……
As the saying goes “…..the best laid plans…..” I finished high school, worked my way through college, thought I had found love and found myself in a tailspin of self doubt, denial, and self hatred. It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to feel that way, and that I was the one in control of how I felt. It started with leaving the only place I had ever really called home, leaving the man that I thought I loved, leaving behind friends, and trying to start anew.
Of course the move did not immediately cure my negative self image, nor did it just jump my life right back onto the track I had planned for it. But it was definitely the jarring first step to take me completely off balance. With addiction it’s called “hitting rock bottom”, I was 34 years old, living with my parents…..jobless, basically homeless, and feeling the lowest I had in my entire life.
I had to start over and re-discover myself and create a new plan. But then I thought……what if, instead of creating a plan, I just took one step at at time? I got a basic job, then another, then started my own business. Through that I met a wonderful entrepreneur who saw potential in my to help her grow her budding company. Now the company has two hotels with a third on the way.
I once again feel like my life has purpose and oddly enough it didn’t involve all the things that I had planned so meticulously. It came about by finding joy in what was in my current path, instead of the path I thought I should be on.
I still have days where I grieve my once planned life and since my diagnosis I sometimes wonder what could have been without Parkinson’s. But then, I look again at what I right in front of me (not the past, not the future, not what could have been), and I remind myself that PD is not the end of the world.
Sure, it is something that will give me constant challenges for the rest of my days. And, yes, those challenges will be harder to deal with somedays then others. But I truly am stronger because of those challenges, both physically and mentally, simply for the fact that I am still here, still fighting for what I want, and still moving forward!!
Susinct and on point